Hi friends, how are you all?  I’m not going to go into a lot of detail, but I just wanted to say that last night I had a PROFOUND revelation.  Or more accurately, a revelation of all the stuff I’ve already known with a loud, clear, “Shut up and do it already!” from God.  (Yes, that is EXACTLY how God speaks to me.  Really.  Frightening, I know.)

The short version is: I’m sitting on this landmine of possibility, projects, and book ideas that I keep walking away from.  Once, twice, 10 times.  I get roped back into the “make a living” work.  You know what that is, right?  That’s the thing that your dad told you you needed to do, rather than studying writing and literature, because an English major wouldn’t put food on the table.  (Funny – I knew a LOT of people in who went from English to Biz degree, but so it goes…)

I keep saying, next week, next week, I groaned last week when I felt God prompting again to write the special needs devotional.  I keep putting my community conversion and redesign on the backburner, while I work through relationships and target ideas to pitch sponsors.  Keep writing more and more, painfully aware of how the hell many words I’d have to write before I’m 1/4 as good as the Bloggess.  (At least with novel writing, there is a number from some great past writerly sage: a million words. Oy.)

I ask again, again, for remedial “God’s Voice 101″ tutoring: what are you saying?  I get this, in minutes:

On Dying, Mothers, and Fighting for Your Ideas

What’s stated there is only a FRACTION of the amazing revelation in Jon Morrow’s email that led me to that site.  And still, that wasn’t enough, I had to ask,
Is this what you want? yes Do I have it wrong? yes Will it flop, like always, because it’s not from you? disastrously

I pretty much sit up at attention when God says “disastrously”.  (No, I do NOT trounce His use of adverbs, He is God, after all.  Invented the adverb, ya know, I’m sure there was a reason for it at the time.)

Anyway, I went to bed at last, dreaming of visions of my “new” old future.  I woke up…to what?  Regret?  Self-Doubt?  Misery?  No (that came later).

Three simple words repeated, just once, in my head:

Allow, Allow, Allow

I guess that’s what we call surrender.  Stay tuned, I have a feeling it may be a bumpy ride, but it’ll darn* well be exhiliarating!

*Yes, darn sounds stupid, I just didn’t feel right using real profanity 3 sentences below quoting God. I’m in enough trouble already…