Life of a special needs parent: Proceed/Stumble/Learn/Proceed…

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Image: birdonarock /

Image: birdonarock /

So, yesterday was a “crying in the shower” kind of day.

I’m overwhelmed, overwhelmed, overwhelmed.

What’s funny is it’s not my work/workload, nor my novel that’s overwhelming.

It’s these dumb awful circumstances that I feel powerful against, kids that I’m losing control over, and faith that I’m AGAIN battling with (although I think that last one is resolved by now).

I keep hoping Jo Frost will show up at the door, going, “I just read your blog, yes?  And I know just what to do.  I have some chart tools, and a foolproof potty training techniques for LD children. Shall we get to work then?”

And then maybe the Dog Whisperer will come a few minutes later and get Helo to stop eating EVERYTHING IN SITE.

I keep hoping, too, that the bell will ring and some angel will have hired a housekeeping service for me to get the sticky off, well, EVERYTHING.

Sure, and maybe Santa will show up and bring me a 27″ iMac, yuck yuck yuck…

Last night, I was SO tired by 7PM that I could barely finish the 100 tasks that need to be done at night, every night. I spent a long, difficult half hour with Amelia and her homework, but it was not until my shower that I realized that “I’m doing it again”.  I have still not completely accepted that there are things that will take Amelia longer…a lot longer, maybe months or years…than other kids, and maybe there are even some things she will never grasp (although I hope not).  Maybe homework is more about routine than ABSOLUTELY getting it, but I still feel like I should try.

With Zoe, on the other hand, I have to move past baby-steps, like redirection.  She is 4 now and growing tall and strong, and I cannot be carrying her here and there. She needs to learn about unpleasant consequences, even if she doesn’t fully grasp something.  And while I still am not good or comfortable or get a great response from spanking, I can force her into a cornered time out, holding her still for a short while.  No one gets hurt and, God willing, she gets that it’s a punishment.

I have a to do the size of Montana for my Christmas week off, but maybe I’ll just do a little of it.  Maybe what I’ll do most is SLEEP…

Image: birdonarock /

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3 thoughts on “Life of a special needs parent: Proceed/Stumble/Learn/Proceed…

  1. Katrina Stonoff

    Charles Bukowski has a great poem called The Shoelace.

    “it’s not the large things that
    send a man to the

    no, it’s the continuing series of small tragedies
    that send a man to the
    not the death of his love
    but a shoelace that snaps
    with no time left …

    The dread of life
    is that swarm of trivialities
    that can kill quicker than cancer”

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