Well, we sold the dog last night. We didn’t nearly recoup our costs but it’s fine. This lady came to our house and, despite that I thought she was having second thoughts, IMMEDIATELY fell in love with Buster, who immediately fell in love right back with her. Perhaps every dog has its perfect owner out there somewhere?? Not sure.
This was not the dog for us. That’s all I can say. I don’t think Chris is even disappointed, he wasn’t playful, excited, happy, just mostly nervous and he didn’t really like the kids too much. IF we do this again, ever, (and there are a lot of contingencies before that can happen) we now know to meet the dog in person first. Period.
Today I did a great thing. I cleaned out all the stuff I SHOULD have cleaned out before I moved. It IS true that I did throw out TONS of stuff – like notebooks I’ve collected with bad BAD writing and morning pages since 1987.  I think some were from early to mid-80s too. I took about 15 with me. Today I tossed all of them but FOUR. I AM sentimenal, so I did keep some things from my youth, but nothing to remind of me of painful, hurtful people. I also kept maybe a dozen poems and a handful of short stories. It felt good.
I have realized of late that I am very skittish and sensitive lately. It’s not just the stress of relocating, but last year was a nightmare, what with my Mom falling into this Alzheimer’s pit and my sister dissing me. It’s best to walk on eggshells around me, but of course no one remembers. So I’m having trust and paranoia issues. It’s been rough keeping my head above water, and the dog was a terrible idea in light of that.
I’m trying to forgive myself and not slide into someone awful, because I feel that’s where I’m going on most days. Back to the old complaining universe-revolves-around-me self. Not where I want to be, because it’s not pleasant. I feel very much like I’m swimming upstream and I’m not sure how to change that, like I’m slipping backwards spiritually and I don’t really know why.
Maybe Christianity isn’t enough for me. Maybe it needs to be that plus the Path to Perfection, contradictions and all. I’m thinking of turning back to that spiritual route. If I’m wrong, God will need to fix that but the Christianity I’m learning isn’t enough to keep me on track.
Clear as mud, right?
Um, WOW– we could be best friends you and me–LOL. I just stumbled on your blog when looking for some good “mom blogs” to add to my blog links… you sound a lot like me in a lot of ways. At least it’s good to know there are people out there who can identify with how hard it is to try and be a super-mom, wife, etc., etc., etc. Just so you know, I totally get it!
Lynn
Hi Lynn, how cool! Welcome. I love your blog – just linked it. Of course the big difference is that you do illustration, very NICE! Maybe I’ll hire you for future clients
Yea I get it. I am just your ordinary Average every day sane psycho Supergoddess, I mean Super mom! Why do you think I”m reading a book called “Supermom has left the building”? lol…
(Forgive me, I’m in a Liz Phair mood today)
Thanks for checking out my blog, too!
Very cool to “meet” you!
I actually do scrapbooking and paper art designs, but am also a writer, book author and teacher… I also founded a website/ezine for other creative industry designers (designerzine.com). If you can plug any of that in with your clients, that would still be pretty darn cool!
I’m kind-of at a cross-point with all things in my life right now, LOL. I freelance write/design for scrapbook magazines and have written a book for scrapbooking with children (a cross between my design, writing and teaching worlds). I am also returning to teaching in the classroom this fall (at a private Christian school) after a 5 year hiatus to stay home with my boys, so lots of changes ahead… lots of mommy nerves, about that, too.
Anyway, our perspectives sound very similar… it’s always nice to meet a kindred spirit who understands.
If you ever want to chat, please feel free to email me!
Lynn
Things will get better. Don’t give up. The time to not give up is when you feel like most giving up. You will make it.
I have the same struggles with my faith. Hang in there.
I also empathize with you on the dog. At the risk of being bashed, we had an elderly dog who still could have gone a few more years but we couldn’t handle her anymore. She was anxious and nervous all the time. We couldn’t leave the house without her destroying something. When we crated her she became a puddle of mental instability and would pant and bark until she was dehydrated. Not to mention she was never fully house trained. (We adopted her from the SPCA and they told us she had been abused and kicked out of her first home.) That explains alot but we really regretted even adopting her most of the time.
We gave her a good home for many years but she just got worse. We were never able to really rehabilitate her and ended up putting her down. (No one wanted her.) … I told the kids she went to live on a farm… I still feel awful about it.
Lynn: how ironic, we’re both at crossroads! I like the Designer Ezine site, very neat concept. What a lot of creative ideas you’ve come up with – where do you get your inspiration with kids running around? That’s the hardest thing for me right now. Good luck on going back to teaching! Thanks, yep, we should chat by email, I agree.
BP: You are right. Sometimes it’s all TOO easy to forget to focus on our blessings. And we have so many.
Tee: Welcome! I’ve got to admit, a nervous dog is not easy and probably not a good idea for kids – and we only had him like 3 weeks. Perhaps you made the right choice for the dog? Perhaps she was uncomfortable and unhappy anyway? I don’t condone this sort of things for humans, but dogs are different. You did the best you could, don’t feel bad.
So sorry it took me a while to get back–lol… staff meetings, shuffling things, etc. I know– I thought a lot of things we have posted were very similar… I would love to chat sometime. Are you able to access my email address through my posts? If so, email me sometime… if not, let me know and we’ll figure out a way to get our email addresses to each other.
Juggling things with the kiddos has not been easy at all! I actually wrote the bulk of my book when my youngest was just a baby– I think in retrospect that I must have been nuts at the time–LOL. I am learning (slowly but surely) how to balance things a little better though. I finally came to the realization that I had to “let go and let God”… I am such a control freak by nature and I really have to stay on top of myself to not over-work, over stretch, etc. It’s an ongoing lesson for me, but I now know it is one God has been trying to teach me for a long time now. It’s really hard when you write (or do anything you’re passionate about and gifted to do) because you want to do it all the time– and it is such a “lone” profession, and requires a lot of time. It is a tough balancing act for sure!
Anyway… ‘nough of my babbling… let me know if you need my email address– would love to chat!
Lynn